Last week, I took my 16-month-old girl to a playground where we met another dad and his baby daughter. The girls played together nicely, and I chatted with the other dad, Justin, who seemed like a nice guy.
Then things suddenly got awkward, thanks to my daughter.
Justin climbed onto the playground equipment to check on his daughter, squatting down to speak to her – but my daughter intercepted. Crawling over to Justin, she grabbed his shirt, pulled herself up, reached her arms around his neck, and hugged him.
“Awwww!” said the other adults standing around watching.
“That’s sweet,” said the man, awkwardly holding his arms straight out to the side and sheepishly smiling, as if to say, “I’m a nice guy, I promise. I’m won’t hug your daughter or intentionally touch her in any way.”
I thought it was endearing though, and figuring my daughter would let go soon, I decided to wait it out. In the meantime, Justin was growing visibly more uncomfortable as my daughter’s grip around his neck grew tighter.
To ease the building tension, I said, “It’s okay. I think she likes you,” hoping he would just give her a hug in return.
But it didn’t make him any more comfortable – and it didn’t stop her. It was like she had found the love of her life and wasn’t letting go, even if he wasn’t going to hug her back.
When I couldn’t bear the awkwardness any longer, I finally walked over to my daughter, stooped down, and peeled her arms off Justin’s neck. I made a joke about Justin being her first crush, and he uncomfortably laughed as I carried my daughter away.
Like Justin, most of us adults don’t deal with selfless love very well. Even when we know it’s safe to give and receive grace, we’re uneasy with it, and our resistance crops up in a myriad of ways.
Try to pay for a friend’s lunch – they will probably say, “Next time, it’s on me.” Try to pay for a stranger’s lunch – they will probably refuse it.
Genuinely compliment a woman’s hairdo – she will probably say, “I need a haircut.” Or compliment her outfit. Ten bucks says she will respond, “This old thing?”
And then think about how you respond when someone has the guts to say, “I love you.” You probably say, “Love you,” or the superweird, “We love you too” (“we” who?).
Grace – unconditional love – paralyzes us with awkwardness. So instead of receiving it, we pay for our own lunch, shut down the compliment, and say “love you” to someone who needs to hear the whole sentence. Being naturally resistant to the smallest acts of human grace, I think it’s even harder for us to receive the divine graces of God.
His Son’s outstretched arms on the cross tell the story of a God who isn’t afraid to overdo grace. He accepts last-minute, deathbed confessions; He takes the blame to save the loser; He leaves the 99 sheep to save the one.
And we don’t know what to do with that kind of fearless affection; so instead of returning the love, we pull away from Him, preferring to retreat to the familiar territory of guilt trips and self-loathing.
But if we’ll allow ourselves the freedom, there’s nothing like enjoying the innocent, child-like embrace of Jesus. And there’s nothing like the joy of knowing He lives to show grace to losers like you and me. With that in mind, perhaps the next time the Son of God throws His arms around us, we’ll listen to His Father saying, “It’s okay; I think He likes you,” and unconditionally embrace Him in return.
This is something I've actually been working on with people…thanking them for compliments and accepting offers, because I hate it when I offer assistance in some way only to get the usual, "No, I'm fine," when we both know they could use the help. What's even more awkward though, is when someone makes an offer, I accept, and then there's the uneasy realization that they didn't really mean it and are surprised you accepted.
Yeah, that's complicated. I think giving and receiving grace are huge challenges for all of us.
We love you, Joshua!
This is quite lovely. Thank you for sharing your experience and that of Justin. Wise, if uncomfortable, thoughts 🙂
Yeah, ol' Justin has no idea he got a starring role in one of my posts, but wherever you are Justin, thanks!
What would be funny is if YOU got a starring role in one of HIS posts 🙂
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