Major study says this is the number one quality in good relationships — but is it realistic?

Stop the presses. Somebody figured out the number one thing that makes relationships work. The Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science has published the results of a major study in which researchers analyzed data from nearly 44,000 participants and claims to have zeroed in on the top factor in healthy relationships. It’s something called “psychological flexibility.” Here’s how the British Psychological Society explains the term in its Research Digest: A psychologically flexible person is characterised by a set of attitudes and skills: they are generally open to and accepting of experiences, whether they are good or bad; they try to be mindfully aware of the present moment;…

The number one post of 2020 (by far)

I don’t regularly check the number of clicks on my posts during the year. It’s for my own sanity, really. I don’t want my creativity to be dictated by what people are clicking on. At the end of the year, however, I make an exception and share the five most-read posts. The top-read post was about my wife, who is constantly teaching me about a deeper life with Jesus — and she’s not even trying. To her credit, in 2020, she survived me taking a new job, her starting seminary, COVID-19 drama, and us moving twice in ten months.(I dedicate this…

Christmas was hijacked by laundry detergent — but there was still reason to hope

It was a box of laundry detergent than undid Christmas of 1988 for the Rogers family. Dad thought it would be a great idea for us to trek into the woods behind our house and cut down our very own Christmas tree. As a ten-year-old boy, it seemed like an awfully adventurous thing to do, but looking back, I suspect Dad was just trying to save money. By the time we dragged the scraggly pine tree home, there was no doubt we’d gotten what we paid for: a sentimental experience that ended when Dad propped the pitiful tree against the…

Get this one last gift for anyone you love, like, or hardly know

It’s the one-year anniversary of my book, Confessions of a Happily Married Man: Finding God in the Messiness of Marriage, and it’s still the perfect gift for anyone you know — well, except for kids; it’s not at all appropriate for them (but it will be one day, so go ahead and get them a copy in advance). The book is an invitation for readers to walk through the ups and downs of marriage, take a second look at their own stories, and pay attention to the ways God may be at work. I set the example by vulnerably talking about how God…

Desperately trying to save my daughter’s Lego house (and her innocence)

“Daddy, please don’t make us take our Lego houses apart,” pleaded my ten-year-old daughter. Her little sister joined in. “We worked so hard on them, Daddy.” Their pleas were understandable. These were no ordinary Lego houses. They were three-story, multi-room mansions — custom built homes made of hundreds of stray pieces from Lego sets they’d collected over the years. But we were moving and there was no way to pack the Lego houses without them being crushed. While the thought of making the girls tear down their mansions made sense to my head, my heart was torn. They had combed…

I complained about a cashier — and I won’t forget her boss’s response

It was Christmas Eve at the Hallmark store and the elderly cashier didn’t even look up when I said hello. I thought she might not have heard me. “Merry Christmas!” I said. Still no response. “That stuffed animal we’re buying is for our new baby — she could come any day now.” The woman barely looked up and coldly said, “You got anything else?” “Nope — that’s it. Just a little Christmas present for my new baby.” The woman charged my card and didn’t speak. “Well have a merry Christmas,” I said with a touch of irritation. She didn’t respond….

What happens if you don’t buy books (or Big Macs)

Do you want to know what makes me *REALLY* uncomfortable as an author? It’s selling my book. I’m talking about the book I poured countless hours into — the book I’m so proud of — the five-star book on Amazon! Here’s the problem though … Readers like free writing that they can get online. But spending $12 on a book? That’s a couple of trips to McDonalds! Gotta save that money! Here’s why authors have to sell books: If readers don’t buy books, publishers don’t ask authors to write more of them. (Imagine authors were McDonald’s but people would only…

Lessons about sin from a disastrous commute

I thought I knew how to get home from work. At least I certainly should have. I never imagined where I was actually going to end up. My family and I had just returned to a city we’d left five years before, and I was uncertain about my commute because we had moved to a new area. I used my GPS to get headed in the right direction until I knew where I was going; then I turned it off and headed to the new house. While the drive down the interstate felt familiar, something was off. I didn’t remember…

50 wonderful Christian quotes

I’ve been collecting quotes over the years, many of which I’ve shared in blog posts or via social media over the years. At different points of my life, God has used these quotes to inspire, correct, and challenge me. I figured I would share 50 of them here so you can benefit from them too. Enjoy! God never made a promise that was too good to be true. — Dwight L. Moody The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the…

Where’s God when I’m waiting on the next Big Thing?

Here I go again — waiting on God to provide the next Big Thing. This time it’s something different though. Fourteen years ago, I was waiting for God to provide a wife. Twelve years ago it was a new job. Three years ago, it was physical healing. Last year it was selling my house. This year, I’ve got another Big Thing, and it’s driving me crazy.

A painful reality of 2020: The year our family stopped going to church

A few weeks after we moved to a new city this winter, COVID-19 hit, leaving us to “attend” the online service of a church we had been visiting for about two months. It didn’t work. We didn’t even know the music leaders on the screen. Now these people were propped up on our kitchen table, earnestly looking at us through our iPad, inviting us to join in with congregation-less singing. And while I truly admired the effort they were making to provide a meaningful Sunday morning experience, we just couldn’t connect with it. Church felt like watching a locally produced,…

Thank God for that Awful Lady in the Lexus

The other day, I was just minding my own business, trying to get to work, when a woman in a black Lexus brought out the worst in me. I was trying to park in a garage in downtown Washington, D.C., which is a challenge. I have little time to get to the garage after dropping off my daughter at school, and if I’m a minute late, the price goes up from $14 to $21. Time is of the essence.

Check out these podcasts featuring interviews with Raquel and me

If you have enjoyed reading what Raquel and I have written, here’s a chance to hear us share our thoughts and interviews. Enjoy! [And I also need to apologize: Something happened to the original post that was linked here (“My appearance on a morning show horrified my wife”) and I can’t get it back. It has been so frustrating! But you should definitely check our our podcast interviews below.]