A Suggestion for the Frustrated Single

It was April of 2002. I was single, living alone, and had no prospect of marriage in sight (nor would I for several years). But for some reason, I felt compelled to pick up my journal and write a prayer for my future wife.

I prayed that if she was going through a hard time or making any bad decisions that God would give her the grace to move on and forgive herself. It seemed like the right thing to pray at that moment.

And it was.

Six years later, I had been married for a couple of months when I came across the prayer in my journal and reread it.

“Hey honey, what were you doing in April of 2002?” I asked her.

“Oh my goodness, I was a total mess at the time,” she said. “I needed Jesus so badly.”

“That’s interesting,” I said, and then I read the prayer to her – the prayer that God answered before I ever met her.

I know some wonderful, unmarried people who have crossed over into their thirties or forties without any prospect for marriage. Most of them have battled with serious discouragment, not knowing why their prayers go unanswered or how they should even pray.
If you’re one of those people and you’re trying to figure out how to pray about this nagging area, these are my thoughts, for what they’re worth.

First of all, let’s just assume that there’s nothing wrong with you simply because you’re frustrated with being single. Instead, let’s assume you’re frustrated with being single because you have a God-given desire to be married.

Now assuming that’s true, what the heck – let’s go all the way and assume that if God gave you that desire, He’s got somebody for you out of the billions of people on the planet. And if that’s true, perhaps you should consider taking a break from praying for God to give you a spouse and instead try praying for the one who’s already out there.

You never know – He might just answer your prayer.


  1. I love this post.As a young single in my twenties, I prayed diligently for my future spouse. I proceeded to marry someone who I thought was a strong Christian and was even a pastor–after 5 years, he revealed that he was not the person that I thought I married and we divorced. I have struggled as a new single to pray for another spouse. I feel unworthy and that I don't deserve marriage again because I am divorced, even though it wasn't my fault. This post really encourages me to pray and believe that God wants good things for those who love Him. Thank you.


  2. I really enjoyed this and the story about your meeting with your father-in-law to discuss your proposal. On a side note, why is it that sometimes your comments appear under Josh Rogers and other times as Spiritual Klutz?


  3. Thank you. And to answer your question, it's a glitch with Google.


  4. It's certainly good to pray for your future spouse, and most singles do end up getting married, sooner or later. But what's missing in this picture (or this post) is children. At least for women, the desire to become a mother is usually very strong too. And if you're a single woman in your 40's, you still have a decent chance of getting married, but very slim chances of having children.By the way, I'm single, but I'm not a woman, and not in my 40's, so this particular problem isn't really bothering me, I'm just pointing it out.


  5. Being recently divorced (for the 2nd time), it’s very easy for me to think that I’ve had my chance(s) and blew it. As much as I want to be married, I just can’t bring myself to pray for God to help me find the “one” again. I am obviously no good at deciphering who that “one” is anyway.

    But your suggestion really made me think. I want to believe that he is still out there. And maybe if I pray for him instead of myself, just maybe, God will answer. As you said, you never know. Thank you.


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