Last year, God finally answered yes to my years-long prayer request for the “Big Thing.”

It doesn’t really matter what the Big Thing was. Maybe it was healing, a financial breakthrough, a reconciled relationship, a job or some other change in circumstance. Whatever it was, my waiting experience was like that of so many other people: a constant fight with the lingering fear that God was punishing me for wanting it too badly.

When we’re waiting for the answer to a major request, God’s apparent resistance sometimes makes no sense, because the big things we want are often legitimate—good things that most people hope for. And seeing those around us enjoying the very things we want serves as a reminder of what we’re missing. This drags us through a journey that can feel like a never-ending grieving process.

I ‘m reminded of Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ model of the five stages of grief, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I went through all of them multiple times during my wait for the Big Thing—often in no particular order. But in my longing, the stage I found myself in most frequently was denial. This helped me survive the wait, but didn’t build true perseverance.

This Isn’t Happening

When I first began pursing my Big Thing, I assumed it would be mine relatively quickly. But then the months—and years—dragged on and the disappointments piled up. One thought terrified me: There’s nothing I can do to change this. God, no, please don’t do this to me.

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